I mostly don't have too much trouble disclosing that I suffer from a mental disorder because for the most part I give people the benefit of the doubt that they are not overly judgemental, uneducated jerks that can't decipher the difference between schizophrenia and a serial killer.
...though every now and then I come across the kind of ill-informed wanker that just does not get it.
I acknowledge for some people, their judgement stems largely from the way that mental illness is portrayed in the media.
Recent campaigns are helping to wipe out the stigma associated with people living with a mental illness but we still have a long way to go.
Much like any intolerance, I find that once people know more about it or live with somebody suffering from a mental illness that their mind can be changed
I have written this blog entry including my thoughts and retorts to some of the things that people say when it comes to mental illness. These are all variations of things that I have heard people say or that people have said to me.
“In the olden days people just use to get on with it. I think its just self indulgence”
Well yeah, if 'getting on with it' was sticking your head in a fire.
People did still commit suicide in 'the olden days' or they 'got on with it' which often meant living life unhappily or self-medicating.
We live in a time where people don't just have to get by, we have the technology and understanding to get better.
What is self indulgent about wanting to be better? If anything I think that shows dedication and I don't know about you but I've never seen 'self-indulgent' and 'dedicated' as being interchangeable terms.
‘I won this award through hard work, dedication and self indulgence, just loads of self indulgence’
While I believe that it is now easier to deal with 'having a nervous break down' as we now have access to the tools like psychologists, psychiatrists and help groups; I don't believe that is the past people just never had break downs.
“This might be relevant to you”
Fuck off.
It isn't.
If somebody has skin cancer, you don't bring them a book on liver disease but for some reason, many find it difficult to grasp that with mental illness, just like other illnesses there are many different types and strands
.... so don't shove an article about Multiple-personality-disorder in my face and expect me to thank you for it.
I have been diagnosed with something called Schizo-effective-disorder which is sort of a mess of bipolar and schizophrenia rolled into one but the ways in which it effects a person are varied and there are as many variations as there are people who have it.
I have long periods of normality in between 'episodes'. Many people with bipolar will tell you that they have two modes, they are up or down.
For me this is not the case.
I can and have functioned well for long time without medication but will have times of elation (which just feels like you are really happy and drunk) and depression (which feels like the biggest, longest hangover of your life).
For many people with this illness, it will start to manifest in their teens.
For me, I was 19 when it started to present itself..well I think the mood disorder part was there much earlier but written off by everyone as just being your average 'moody teen'.
The other part, the psychosis (the word that scared me half to death when I heard it) began while I was living in Melbourne and had a series of Sydney pals visiting over the course of a week which left me with very minimal sleep.
For anybody who has tried to function over an extended period of time without sleep, I am sure you can identify that feeling of your sanity slowly slipping away from you
Feeling you're so tired you could die then getting a second wind where everything is funny
....only to find it is short-lived and now you are more tired than ever
...well functioning with bipolar on no sleep is kind of like that
...only amplified by about a million.
If you throw in a bit of psychosis and you have yourself a party
A party I like to call schizo-effective-disorder.
I went through a few days in 2008 where I felt quite paranoid and threatened for no good reason.
I experienced visual and auditory hallucinations, which make for some pretty funny stories (including me wondering around Richmond in a 'disguise' that consisted of a top hat, trench coat scarf and sunglasses. I'll tell you about it some time).
Over two years (aged19-20) the amount of time I spend in hospital, combined, added up to close to 6 months. I was never violent in that time and resent media that only depicts people with mental illness as being aggressive because in my experience, this is rarely the case. For the most part, I was frightened ...perhaps even more so when I got to know my illness and understood that the threats I was feeling were not real.
The idea that I couldn't trust my own brain was more terrifying than any physical harm that I had previously been fearful of.
Before November,2012, it had been about 3½ years since I'd last been hospitalised and more than 2 years since I'd needed medication. In that time I had maintained regular work or study and was doing pretty well but just a week of interrupted sleep was enough to really mess with my emotions. Luckily I am at a point where I have gained a fair insight into my illness and can recognise warning signs and regulating my sleep has made a world of difference in a short time.
That's a pretty small look into my illness and if you spoke to another person with schizo-effective-disorder, they would have a completely different story to tell and have experienced series of different symptoms.
Every person is different so you can see why people with schizo-effective-disorder can be offended by being lumped together let alone thrown in with a bunch of other illnesses which share much more differences than they do similarities.
“I heard you like golf so I got you this book on skiing because golf is a sport and skiing is also a sport”
I think it's important not to stereotype everybody with a mental illness because if you really get to know a person you will realise all the differences and understand that a person suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder does not want to be put in to the same category as a person with autism and visa-versa.
So yeah I will watch United States Of Tara with you and appreciate it for the humour and drama and Toni Collettes acting but no I do not want to read an entire fucking book on “How to deal with Multiple-Personality-Disorder” because it is no more relevant to me than it is to you.
“People use it as an excuse to get out of things or to get things”
I agree that some people are prone to do this but I don't think that is based on a mental illness but rather your own personality.
Myself, I don't enjoy people taking pity on me and if given the choice, I believe that most people would rather be an object of envy than one of pity... well I'd rather be a dolphin but I don't think that's in the cards.
Honestly when I went from 3months in hospital in 2009, surrounded by people feeling sorry for me and rules about when I could eat, sleep or use my phone...working a job starts to sound like a holiday.
The idea of staying in a hospital and maybe getting some centrelink benefits may sound cruisey at first ...but eventually most people would rather have control of their own life and be living it, well that's my belief anyway, though I think there can be a few exceptions to the rule as with anything.
"They take drugs so it's their fault. It was bound to happen"
While some people can go through their lives as drug users and still be functioning, some people have a predisposition that will make them susceptible to psychosis and when the drugs are taken out of the equation, they will instantly improve and maybe never have another psychotic episode after that.
While commonly accepted as 'a safe drug', marijuana is known for inducing psychosis.
My feeling is that blaming drug users for bringing on their own problems displays a very narrow minded way of thinking.
If you had a loved one who smoked cigarettes at some point in their life and one day was diagnosed with cancer would you just go "Oh well, they knew the risk, they deserve to die"?
If you would you are probably a bit of a dick head.
Apart from that, there is the obvious argument as to 'Why are they taking drugs in the first place?', Could there have been some previous depression or issues that they were trying to escape?
Do people that are actually genuinely happy need to rely on drugs to get them through day to day life? Are there other problems that have caused their substance abuse?
"Well if they are not going to take their medication then how can anybody help them?"
Taking medication is a personal choice (depending on the severity of the illness)
As I am high functioning, I have never been put on a community treatment order; like other more extreme cases, where people are forced to have an injection once a month.
If I chose to stop taking my medication tomorrow, nobody could do anything to stop me.
I will never know the pain of somebody who is forced to be permanently medicated and while I know it is often necessary, it does not stop it from being heart breaking.
While any time I have been hospitalised, I have gone of my own volition, I have been held in hospital against my own will on every occasion due to deciding I am ready to go home on a whim and my doctors knowing that I am in no way ready.
I am lucky enough to have had the same doctor since I was 20 and for the most part to be treated at the same facility. On my last admission, I was moved to a new psychiatrist (as my previous doctor was part of the youth team) so I have received consistent treatment by somebody who is familiar with my case history.
Others do not have that luxury.
Any time that I have needed a medication change, I have refused to do it away from hospital, due to allergic reactions I have had in the past.
I have been very lucky in terms of being able to get a bed in an amazing public facility.
My heart goes out to those who have not been able to get a bed when they needed it.
It is unfortunate that there are very few places that cater to people who fall into the category of being 'a severe enough case'.
In the public system, I would say there are close to zero facilities in Australia that cater specifically to people who are in a transitional phase.
Those who are not psychotic and do not have a substance abuse problem but just need a medication change or a refuge from day-to-day life problems while adjusting to a new medication can often find themselves feeling very isolated.
Even many private facilities are closing.
A Private hospital I stayed at last year [through a government initiative that leases a small number of private beds to the public health system] is now closing down.
...So this means that even if you are fortunate enough to be able to afford a bed in a private facility, you may not be able to get one...and if you can't afford one, you are screwed.
I mention this because a lack of beds in this country can lead to larger problems for people who find their medication is simply not working, in the most severe of cases, this can lead to suicide.
It upsets me enormously that people who need a special kind of help can be denied it because the help doesn't exist.
The government is doing many things to rectify this situation, by recognising that mental health issues in our country are rampant.
In my local area, [where mental illness rates are declared to be one of the highest in this country] there is new funding that means there are 100 new beds to be dedicated to mental health, which is amazing...
They are also allocating money for early intervention, which means many people can receive help before the point that they need to be hospitalised.
When it comes to people who need something as simple as a medication change and the amount of help needed can not be achieved, it is clear to me how easy it can be for somebody to just stop taking it.
I have on several occasions.
If you have to wait a week to see a doctor and you are experiencing symptoms that are relentless, you may feel like stopping the medication is a better option than taking it.
Initially you may even start to feel better without it but in many cases this is quickly followed by an acute period of escalating sickness.
For me, I have stopped taking medication for months at a time before anybody noticed.
To most people, I appeared well but my brain was operating in a very different way to the way it did when I was on medication.
After people close to me became aware of my decline and intervened by contacting my physicians, I discussed going off my medication permanently and my doctor agreed as long as my consultations with my doctor and case worker were to be more frequent.
I was off medication from mid 2009- late 2012 and was considered to be 'well' by most peoples standards.
It's tough to talk about but while I was functioning for the most part, working or studying during that whole time, there were many points where I knew that I needed to be on medication.
During this time I experienced poor sleep and on occasion delusional and disorganised thoughts.
On certain weeks I would go from being incredibly happy and elated to then being completely miserable and crying for no reason, sometimes this could even happen within the space of a few hours.
I would sometimes confuse dreams and reality, forgetting what I had said or done and finding that I was repeating myself, forgetting to do something or doing something and rechecking it several times.
I would get overly fixated on specific ideas and stay up for days trying to complete them.
After prolonged periods of no sleep, I experienced severe paranoia, as though I was being watched of followed and occasional small visual and auditory hallucinations (Thinking somebody was behind me or that I heard a distant scream or voice)
I constructed several strange rituals that I didn't know to be strange until I was no longer unwell.
For example, despite being Agnostic, when I would think a really awful thought about somebody and they became obsessive thoughts, I would do the christian sign of the cross.
It got way beyond ridiculous, to the point where I recognised it was insane and would do it in secret.
So if I was around other people, I would touch my forehead, then five seconds later touch my chest then wait a while and touch my shoulders from left to right.
Even though I knew this behavior was irrational, I felt I had to do it just in case the one time that I didn't do it, something bad would happen.
Sometimes I did it just so I was able to move on from the specific thought and focus on what I was doing.
I know. Crazy.
I laugh about a lot of things now but at the time, I was living in my own personal hell.
Most of these symptoms of my schizo-effective-disorder only occurred rarely, usually when I was not getting enough sleep.
However one permanent characteristic was the sound of chatter in my head.
I never experienced auditory hallucinations that were clear, like hearing specific voices as some other people may experience.
Any chatter always seemed distant, [like when you are in a bar and can hear a lot of noise but not make out what anyone was saying] only when I would try to sleep, could I make out random words or sentences, but it was like people talking over each other or advertisements playing.
Other peoples experiences can be VERY different to mine.
Some will experience more intense or less intense versions of what I have and when it comes to medication, both can be equally as dangerous.
If your symptoms are not that apparent, you may go through life never being diagnosed.
I know that mental illness has been around further up my family tree but not discussed, I recently discovered that my Great-uncle committed suicide a long time ago, but it was kept a secret, even from my own mother.
There is no doubt in my mind that other family members have gone undiagnosed, due to not showing typical signs and the stigma that is carried in older generations.
As for more rigorous strands of schizophrenia and bipolar, people can be in denial that there is even anything wrong with them and go off medication completely, if they are experiencing false beliefs and are elevated emotionally, they may be more likely to take risks and indulge in dangerous behavior. Both the negative and 'positive symptoms' of these illnesses can be equally dangerous.
Being elated can result in them being physically dangerous to themselves due to thoughts of 'being invincible', it can cause problems in their work and social life.
For myself, in times when I was in an 'elated stage' I would disappear for up to days at a time and sometimes not go to class.
Often when I drank too much or sometimes when I didn't, I would be overly trusting and go off on little adventures with strangers, not tell anybody where I was and put myself in situations where I was vulnerable to physical danger.
On the other side of the spectrum, there are the obvious points with the 'negative' symptoms where people who are afraid of their hallucinations or suffering from their depression so badly that they don't know what else to do and are driven to suicide.
I talk about all of this because sometimes medication doesn't do its job.
Some people, like me are lucky to have found a medication that makes me feel clear headed but it can take getting used to.
When there are parts of yourself that you have known your whole life, you may not want to give them up.
For me it was incredibly difficult, which is why I only went on medication again last year and until a second medication was introduced earlier this year, I did not start to feel completely better.
By 'better' I mean, having a clear head, no longer hearing a chatter that I had known my whole life, no longer feeling so euphoric that I lost touch with reality, lacked empathy and was unrealistic about certain goals or over-committing to things to the point where my physical health was at risk
.
By 'better' I mean, I no longer experienced the severe lows of not giving a shit what happened in life or hating my illness to the point where I wished I was dead.
By 'better' I do not mean I will ever be at complete peace with not experiencing the highs that I have experienced in my life. Those highs are beyond anything that I can explain and often last for months at a time and were the reason that I was never able to completely commit to medication before.
Myself, I am lucky. I use that word a lot because it's exactly what I am.
I am fortunate to have received amazing amount of support from people in my life, from doctors to family to friends and strangely from people that I never would have imagined even gave me a second thought.
I love my illness for what it has given me, an extreme amount of joy, amazing experiences, wonderful stories and for what it has taught me about other people.
I often see it as a weeding tool, because after the way it has caused me to behave at times, it has shown me all the people who are willing to never give up on me.
For me, it just came time to accept that if I am ever going to live the kind of life that I want for myself, I can not afford to be unwell. I can not afford the lack of empathy it causes or the inconsistency. I can not afford the complete self-indulgence that leaves me so stuck in myself that I am unable to notice the world going on around me.
It has cost me many relationships and I take complete responsibility for that.
When unwell, I have been outright cruel to family, friends and partners who did nothing to deserve it, which makes it all the more amazing to think that so many have stuck with me despite that.
It's for myself and for those people that I can not afford to be unwell and have taken every step possible to try to ensure that I won't be.
I am lucky that my doctors found me the right medication and that I was given the attention and care that I needed to recover from something so harrowing to me.
I say that I am lucky because others are not.
While few people with a mental illness may choose to live a life completely without medication as they have found other ways to manage it, others can not always.
For some people that try their whole lives to find the right medication, they may never find it.
Even though I have found it, I mourn the loss of a part of me that I can't get back as long as I am on it and I see exactly why some people will put up with the lows to keep the highs.
"Suicide is the lazy option"
Suicide is the saddest possible option NOT NOT THE LAZY OPTION.
It is a world of pain for those who are left to pick up the pieces.
Yet the pain of the person who takes their life is equally as terrible and can not be discounted by blame.
The best thing that people can do is to look out for their pals.
Ask how they are going and if you can, offer genuine assistance.
Don't say
"Ask me if you need anything"
instead make a genuine offer like
"Can i come visit you?"
"Can I take you out today?"
Sometimes when people feel really low, they can't always tell you what they need because even though you have said you are available, they don't know how to ask for that help.
If you know somebody who has been affected by the suicide of a loved one, be there for them.
If a loved one is in pain from losing somebody to suicide, don't belittle them or think that they may not have known the person that well enough to be sad or that they are seeking attention.
There is a staggering amount of statistics that show how one suicide can often have a domino effect.
If you feel at risk of taking your own life, speak out, try to request help and be honest.
Confide in people close to you and seek medical attention.
I know what it can be like to feel so sad that you can feel trapped inside that sadness but please know that there are resources available to you
I have been talking forever and I have a million other things that I could say but I am going to put a bunch of links at the bottom of this that say more than I ever could
Mental illness is something that I have been dealing with my entire life and until I was 19, I never had any answers as to why I felt so drastically different to most people.
I assumed that if I took medication that I would be cured.
I know now that is not the case, it takes work and understanding but every day I find myself getting better and being able to again love the things that at one point I forgot I ever loved.
I share my story in the hopes that others will share theirs too, seek help when it’s needed and discuss these issues with their family and friends, whether or not they are effecting you personally.
At some point in our lives we will all be effected by illness. Whether or not we identity with it. It’s important to recognise signs in the early stages and make those around you feel like they don’t have to hide.
When people ask me what schizo-effective disorder feels like for me, I describe it as when you laugh so hard that your cheeks hurt. It is feeling joy and pain simultaneously.
You want to stop laughing because it hurts but you don't want to stop because it feels so good.
That's the way I have lived forever and now
I am learning a new kind of happiness
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Websites for specific groupsIf you are seeking help for yourself or a friend, I have listed a few websites that cater to different, more specific needs.
I hope it helps.
At the bottom of this page are a few statistics and interesting facts from a couple of other sites
Michaela xx
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Males are 4 times more likely to commit suicide than womenThis site is amazing. Every person should visit it
http://softenthefckup.com.au/
It has a bunch of resources, personal stories, videos and advice on helping loved ones battling with depression________________
Gay, lesbian and trans gender people face unique struggles, this website is specifically designed to help
http://gayhelpline.com/
________________________________
Teenagers are often misunderstood by people of different ages. If you need to talk to somebody or if you know a young person who you'd like to reach out to, these websites may be helpful
http://www.teenmentalhealth.org/
http://www.headspace.org.au/
___________________
Postnatal depression is different from other kinds of depression, check out this site if you're a new baby-mamma or know one who you are concerned about
http://www.panda.org.au/
___________________
This is a great site for all women. it covers all aspects of women's health
http://womenshealth.com/
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This site is awesome, it is constantly being updated with new information. It is great for anybody to read
http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/
Another good'n to answer general questions;
http://www.mindspot.org.au/
________________
Facts about mental illness from http://www.sane.org
"
What are the figures?
- Nearly half (45%) of the population will experience a mental disorder at some stage in their lives.
- Almost one in five Australians (20%) will experience a mental illness in a 12-month period.
- During a one-year period, anxiety disorders will affect 14% of the population and depression will affect 6%.
- Depression is one of the most common conditions in young people and increases during adolescence.
- At least one third of young people have had an episode of mental illness by the time they are 25 years old.
- Research indicates that people receiving treatment for a mental illness are no more violent or dangerous than the
general population.
- People living with a mental illness are more likely to be victims of violence, especially self-harm.
- Mental illnesses are not purely ‘psychological’ and can have many physical features.
- Anyone can develop a mental illness and no one is immune to mental health problems.
- Most people with mental illness recover well and are able to lead fulfilling lives in the community when they receive appropriate ongoing treatment and support.
- Women were more likely than men to use services for mental health problems. Approximately two-thirds of people with a mental illness do not receive treatment in a 12-month period.
- It is estimated that up to 85% of homeless people have a mental illness.
How do I find out more?
It is important to ask your doctor about any concerns you have.
SANE Australia also produces a range of easy-to-read publications and multimedia resources on mental illness.
"
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If you are feeling like shit and looking at puppies or videos of laughing babies isn't helping:
http://www.suicideprevention.com.au/ provides links to services and stories that will help you out
"
Please read this if you are desperate.
Painful conditions always pass, both mental and physical. Life always changes, and better times will come back inevitably.
Do not decide to harm yourself for a problem that will pass.
- If you need help right now and want to speak to a friendly voice without judgment, call one of the available Australian suicide helplines
- Are you worried about a friend?
Here are some questions to ask and how to provide support for someone who is in crisis.
You would never advise a friend to die because of their problems. Tell yourself what you would tell a friend.
You would always tell a friend to Hold On.
If you are distressed, why not go to sleep for a while? Your brain will have solved many problems when you wake.
The Suicide Prevention Australia website provides information for people and their families who are dealing with depression, mental illness or other stressful situations that can lead people to feel suicidal.
We aim to provide helpful articles for people of all age groups and backgrounds who may be suffering a stressful event or illness that is causing thoughts of suicide.
We provide a free ebook to help you understand and deal with depression, just enter your details in the form to your top right.
We need your ongoing support and an easy way for you to help is to become a Supporter Against Suicide (SAS), with a donation of $20.
"I Am Glad I Survived!"
"I cannot believe I had thoughts of suicide" is a very common statement when people like you have recovered from a very stressful event or illness. Suicidal thoughts can happen to anyone, but they will fade away if you fight them, talk to friends, or get professional help.If you can provide your story, please email us with details. You can remain anonymous, but we would also like prominent Australian people to tell us how they managed to win the battle against depression, stress or suicidal thoughts. Email editor@suicideprevention.com.au. "
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If you need somebody to talk to
Suicide prevention list these helplines
" If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, know that there are many people who will gladly assist you if you let them know you have a problem. If you don’t feel that you can talk to friends or family, there are many services available in Australia to support you. If you’re not ready to talk to anyone but are looking for strategies to help you cope with your feelings right now, see this help page. If you are assisting someone in crisis and need help, here are some strategies.
Suicide Help Line - Australian Services Lifeline 24 hour crisis support -13 11 14
Suicide Prevention Foundation (24/7) - 1800 HOLDON (1800 465 366)
Suicide Callback - 1300 659 467 in every State (9 am -8.30pm) Hospitals
You can call the emergency department of any hospital in Australia.
If you do not have the number, call directory enquiries and the operator will give you the number of your nearest emergency department. GPs, Counsellors, Psychiatrists or Psychologists You can also call your local doctor, or you psychologist or psychiatrist if you have one. They often have an emergency number for out of hours emergencies. Other Local Services and Support If you run a support service in Australia and would like to add it to this list, please email us at - editor at suicideprevention.au Back to Suicide Prevention Australia Home from Suicide Help Line
