Flirting is something that’s never really come easily to me.
I seem to get constantly hit on by people when I feel like I am doing everything in my power to show them I’m uninterested …yet struggle to get noticed by anyone that I am actually interested in…I’ve contemplated reversing my tactics…like completely ignoring the person I am crushing on or punching them in the face…and then dancing and using pickup lines on guys that I want to leave me alone…sadly I don’t feel this will help.
Friends that spend even a little time with me can most likely attest to the fact that I rarely get attention from anyone I am interested in but am absolutely flooded with invites from the biggest freaks in a who’s who of Ugglyville….
READING SIGNALS
Well once I was walking up the stairs to a club with Jaz and this guy said “You’re beautiful. I want to stick my tongue down your throat”
…then when I said “no thankyou” he called us lesbians
…because THAT clearly was the only logical explanation…not the fact that he smelt like beer, looked disgusting and just tried to pick me up with an incredibly sleazy line…yes I MUST be a lesbian for turning down an offer like that from a stud like yourself….Oh and I'm sure that the much more attractive and nice smelling guy that I went home with agreed with you “total lesbo”…
…the thing is, usually when I don’t like somebody, they are the kind of person that makes abrupt comments like this…but when I am into somebody I am terrible at reading signals….I either read too much into something and make a fool of myself( Please refer to my blog titled: ‘dating’ and the part with the boy who honestly said “no thankyou” when I tried to lean in for a pash…) OR I totally miss when feelings are reciprocated… and then I run into my dream boy 2 years later when he’s happily engaged and he says something like “You know I always liked you but you never seemed interested”…What did I have to do? Lick your face?
ATTEMPTED FLIRTING
It doesn’t really make sense to me how liking somebody often means that its hard to be yourself because the said person can make you that nervous that you forget how to use words.
On a rare occasion a little while ago, a seemingly sane and ridiculously handsome guy struck up conversation with me when he noticed my work shirt and he asked me what the café was like, because he’d heard good things. This is how it went down: I laughed awkwardly…even though there was nothing funny about what he had said. I then blurted out something about white chocolate and how its good as a hot drink…then I sniffed my Vicks inhaler…Yeah…I seriously don’t know…but the conversation died about there….needless to say I don’t think he will be visiting me at work anytime soon.
When I was in my teens I used to honestly try to flirt but the only way I knew how to do that was to straight out say what I was thinking…so “I like you, wanna bone?”…or something to that effect…the subtle hair tossing and all that shit was just lost on me. Nope, I wanted straight to the point.
Eventually when I decided that I didn’t want to end up with Chlamydia, I decided to be a little more tactful and try to get to know people a bit…or something?…and still no hair tossing…I shaved my head for cancer when I was 17 and its never made it back to shoulder length/hair tossing length,
MISTAKEN FLIRTING
…the thing is that while I suck at intentionally flirting I have actually been told that I have a “flirtatious personality”…so basically when I am not trying to bang somebody, they think I am because I giggle and ask a lot of questions…that is me curious…and giggly…but when I am trying to bed somebody…I go back to social retard that forgets how to form sentences. Nice right?
Also on the off chance that I do fall for a person that I can hold a conversation with (and its SO rare) ...this case of the “flirtatious personality” still proves to be a road block because if I am giggly and talkative with everyone…how can I turn it up a notch to show this particular person that I want to act out scenes from Siena Miller films with them? (referring to all the ones where she gets naked…which is a few)
Basically, when I think I am just being polite and friendly…people think I wanna take ’em home and show them a good time…and anybody I like thinks I am uninterested…. And a little bit odd
SO my proposal is that flirting is annoying and I think if you like somebody you should just tell ‘em straight out “I wanna bone ya”. ...and if they say 'no' just call 'em a lesbo...or a hetero...depending on your sexual orientation. (HELLO LADIES)
Thankyou and good night
