Ways to feel like less of an ass-face without even leaving your computer screen

Ways to feel like less of an ass-face without even leaving your computer screen

Ever felt like you are a bit of an ass-face? Said or done something that was just a little bit stupid? Are you searching for somebody to make fun of to make your own life feel a bit less empty and sad? Look no further! I've got you covered....
With Michaela's-list-of-people-who-are-definitely-way-sadder-than-you-and -if-they-are-not-then-maybe-you-should-sort-your-shit-out
... it's a long title


People who post at the bottom of any current affair article
When I want to feel better about myself, I just read the comments posted on pretty much any type of current affair article and watch ass-holes trying to blame every single thing that has ever gone wrong on their Government...
First these geniuses talk about how they could do a better job of running their country than their President/ Prime-minister...which would be ok if they weren't the most ill-...informed individuals and mostly spouting made-up statistics mixed with racist or sexist or digs at their Parliamentary leader...or sometimes just picking on a physical trait...oh wow, you are so smart, Julia Gilard is a 'stupid ranga'....yes her hair colour must really come into play when she's coming up with that carbon tax...A brunette never would have gone for such a thing! 'What an absolute whore she is!'
...
Maybe instead of focusing on the gender, race or hair colour of the politician, take a look at what the party is doing and what is wrong with their policy.
If your only issue is: “TAXES! FUCKING TAXES”
...Do you have any concept on how a country is actually run? Have you ever had to see a doctor? Driven on a road? Done a little wee on a side-walk?
Where do you think the money for all of this comes from?
It is perfectly ok to be unhappy with your Government, I am hardly Labours biggest fan right now but maybe educate yourself and go running your mouth off. What a bunch of wankers

Read comments at the bottom of any youtube video

The people who comment on youtube clips are about 90% dickhead...I don't mean that 90% of people that comment on these clips are dickheads...I mean that every single person that comments on a youtube clip is made up of 90% dickhead.

Seriously, have you ever read youtube comments? They are so stupid that it hurts. Mostly its people just quoting the video that you just watched... what dude? We all just watched it, why are you quoting it? Oh Will Ferel said “miiilk was a bad choice”... I know that he says that... Do you know how I know? Because I just watched the clip and shit my pants laughing even though I've seen it 861 times but it's as funny now as it was when I watched it the first time...STILL you don't need to say it..the actual name of the video is “Milk was a bad choice”... Its a 12 second video with very little dialogue... In fact the only words in it are mentioned in the title...you don't have to say anything. You are the worst.

The other kinds of people that like to comment on youtube videos are straight up argumentative ass-faces (technical name)...these ass-faces come in all shapes but these are my faves

The I-know-more-than-you ass-face

As the name may suggest, this guy/gal likes to prove that they know more than you about everything. If you are watching a band video, they knew them first, they knew them before they were famous, they touched the singers penis and know his favourite colour... If you are watching a comedy, they think you are such an ass-hole because you never watched the comedian do stand up before they got their big break...like get off the bandwagon you pretender, who are you? How have you not seen every single comedians stand up ever? And I bet you only know who the Moldy Peaches are because you heard them on Juno....

Yeah that is actually how some people talk... Does it really matter if somebody only heard a song yesterday? Are they not allowed to like the song? Is there only a certain amount of 'like' allowed for a song and if they suddenly like it are they stealing your 'like'...is there not enough 'like' to go round?

The What-you-like-is-shit ass-face

You're not even sure why this character is here. They kind of turn up on this really awesome Hanson video just to say they don't like Hanson. First off, What the fuck dude? Why do you not like Hanson? Do you have working ears and a heart?...

Anyway they just say a bunch of stuff about how the thing that you like is actually shit...but why? Why are they looking at this video in the first place? Do something else. You're very weird

I have no interest in Twighlight..so I don't watch Twighlight videos...why don't you go do something that you do like?

The if-you-don't-agree-with-me-I'm-going-to-make-homophobic-comments assface

This dude just calls everyone 'faggot' and tells them to eat a dick because they are obviously gay... and that's what homosexuals do. How clever. What a very clever ass-face

Have you heard of a little website called “Guys with iphones”...??

This site contains a lot of penis...I'm not going to lie to you it's like 99% wang...as in its mostly naked dudes and at the bottom of the page it says “Powered by a love for hot men who appreciate the finer gadgets in life.” and then there are heaps of advertisements for porn on the site...

I blame my pal, Elise for this mishap because when we were trying to look up pictures of severely obese people (hint:another way to feel good about yourself) she so kindly suggested that I take my google search off 'moderately safe mode' and now when I look up anything in google images, all I get are boobs and dicks...boobs and dicks...Google search: Betty White and I bet even a few boobs and dicks pop up

Anyway, I wouldn't recommend going on there...I was honest to god trying to look up pictures of douchey guys with stupid topless facebook photos of them being vain and so ya'll could laugh at them too...but I was subjected to something 'vein' in an altogether different way...penises...I'm talking about penises.... and a lot of them ...but because I care about my audience, I persevered and have brought you a [G rated] collection of douchey guys and girls who will make you feel much better about yourself

"I'm taking this photo of myself and I'm really surprised"


"I only like to open my eyes half way because I think it makes me look like Ryan Gosling"...It doesn't

"Just two bro's, taking photos in front of the mirror...like bro's do"



"I can do this with my arm and hold my phone with the other arm but I still haven't worked out the timer feature on my camera"


I don't even....
The ones of girls were not as funny so I am just posting a bunch of duckfaces described as "specquackular" by http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/50-specquackular-duckfaces

Please appreciate the amount of dick-picks I scrolled through to find these gems....And speaking of Dicks....

How can you not feel better about yourself when you see that guy?

What an ass-faced dick