Current me:
My expectation for future me:
Just look how happy she is!
I purchase outfits that are too small because while I like to eat meringues and lay about watching bad tv, I know that future me is willing to eat healthy and exercise more often…maybe?
I decide to wash my sheets just before I go out because I know that future drunk me will be good at making beds…I pretty much think I am going to be Mary Poppins which is insane because I can’t even whistle and I look ridiculous in white…
I spend all my money this week even though I’m not getting paid for a fortnight because I know that while current me enjoys living like a queen, wearing new fancy clothes, going to shows and dining at extravagant restaurants…future me is almost certainly/probably ok with living on the street and giving out bjs for 5 cents to slightly richer hobos… I’m not that into giving bjs to hobos right now…but I’m sure future me will like it. Future me is very versatile.
And when I’m drunk I send texts and leave voicemails for everybody I know, telling them exactly what I think of them because I know that morning hung-over me will appreciate my honesty and not at all want to punch myself in the face.
The result?
I wake up at 6:05 angry and hung-over on the floor because instead of making my bed when I got home I just looked at it, growled and threw my bag at it angrily then collapsed where I was standing. Then I look at my phone and its full of messages saying “What the fuck Michaela?” because I told half the people I know that I want to make out with them and the other half that I want to punch them and both of these statements got the same reaction. Also there is a hobo here who I just gave a blow job…I don’t know why because we’re still in week one of being paid…maybe I just felt generous?…also I’m lying but only about the hobo…the rest is pretty accurate.
I like to believe that future me will be more realistic in my expectations for myself … but that statement in itself is probably expecting a bit much
