I have no friends and I am about to shit my pants (parenthesis: the story about how having violent diarrhoea taught me that I need to get out more )

One day while sitting in doctors surgery and pondering who I could call to pick me up in case my bowel movements became so frequent that I was to shit myself on the bus ride home….I starting going through my phonebook, my parents and brother were at work, my sister was at uni and I sort of started to find myself feeling a little bereft of friends ….and I don’t mean ‘friends’ …because I have around 448 of them according to Facebook…but I mean proper friends.
You know the kind that you can call up at anytime and be like “I need you” and you know that they would just be there for you? When I think about how many of them I have in the world the HONEST TO GOD the figure I came up with was FOUR...(eight if you include family …but I am not going to)…
Out of those four... two of them are currently overseas so the whole “I need you” thing is a little redundant if it means that they would have to fly across the world to help a sister out
…so lets say right now at this moment, I have two friends in this country that I can ask to come and pick me up from the doctors because I have a violent case of diarrhoea and am scared to catch the bus because I just may shit my pants…one of whom actually did do this for me.
Part of me feels a little ‘SHITTED OFF’ about the whole thing...I mean four? REALLY? Four?…
There a lot of things I could blame my lack of friends on…I could go “People are shit!” and at the time I am pretty sure that I did… but thinking about it, it mainly comes back to me.
Each week I get all the same invites that everybody gets. Somebody’s birthday, someone’s housewarming, someone’s band is playing but in the last month I have rarely ventured to any of them… the reasons are often these: I am too sick, I am too tired or I am working. Ok fine, these are valid enough reasons but then the routine is generally, apologise, talk about rescheduling to spend time together, never actually reschedule, repeat.
The thing is there are people that I know I would get along with and potentially be quite close to if I made the effort/people that I have been close with and drifted because I didn’t make the effort and while often I am sick, tired or working, I am not ALWAYS all these things and maybe on my days off I shouldn’t be laying about watching The Mitchell and Webb Situation on my own but I should actually schedule one of these elusive catch-up’s that I always talk about…because lets face it, Elise is going to be in Guyana for 3 months as of December and then who the hell is going to pick me up from the doctors when I am close to giving birth to several thousand poo babies?