…I accidentally confused the re: from some fortune teller as being an email from eBay because it was right above it and the header is “Do you really want to face these hard times alone?” I’m all ‘THAT’S A LITTLE PERSONAL EBAY’… then I look around to see if eBay can see me eating a chocolate biscuit…in bed…alone….staring at my tummy…is eBay psychic?…no its just some actual psychic lady named Tara who claims she will solve all my life problems…I think I will have better luck on eBay purchasing a new dvd to accompany my junk food.
I then stop myself because I am meant to be saving for Europe..I have to find another way to be entertained….Facebook is clearly the logical choice…but I feel like I’m stuck on yesterdays news feed…I check my computer to make sure this is not another eBay/psychic oversight…and it isn’t.
Why is it that I think I’ve time travelled back to yesterday in internet world you say?…well I’m glad you asked…PEOPLE JUST KEEP TALKING THE SAME SHIT.
Topics that come up daily without fail:
WEATHER:
Guaranteed every.single.day 10+ people feel the need to comment on the weather like its breaking news… which is cool if they have something entertaining to say AHEM examples of this would be HOW HOT IS IT jokes eg: “Its so hot HOW HOT IS IT?…it‘s so hot that today I poured Mcdonalds cofee into my lap to cool down”...classic ALWAYS FUNNY…Not interesting however is “OMG so hot”…yes? 90% of your friends live in the same city as you and they are all living it too…call me when there’s a tornado or a punch line
SONG LYRICS:
I like songs. I like to sing them randomly and loudly…I like to listen to them but every couple of weeks a new song gets too popular for its own good and obviously somehow resinates with a whole bunch of people and they all feel like they have to quote that one line and it turns up everywhere but still the people posting it don’t think “Hmm maybe enough people have written ‘now you’re just somebody that I used to know’ as their status update, maybe I can just accept that it’s a good song and go and listen to it instead of being the 4 billionth person on earth to post it”
LOADS OF BRAGGING ABOUT THINGS NOT WORTH BRAGGING ABOUT, WITH LOADS OF UNNECESSARY COMMAS IN BETWEEN
“drinking, dancing, vomiting, late night taxis, hungry jacks at 3pm …can‘t wait to do it all again next weekend”
I know what your thinking…pretty accurate portrayal of the shit you see people write…
BACKDOOR BRAGGING
“Oh man I’m playing this show tonight at this hip bar with one of the biggest bands in the country but I’m just so nonchalant about it because I am really tired from all the after parties I’ve been going to lately and all the sex I’ve been having with supermodels”…No you are not. Things are going pretty well for you and your psyched. I would be psyched too if I was banging loads of hotties and playing great shows…unlike the aforementioned unnecessary brag THIS sounds like something worth talking about…it’s ok to be stoked and to want to tell everyone but its fucking annoying that you’re trying to pretend it ain’t no thang
OMG I LOVE MY BABY
I am not talking about your actual baby…If you just had a baby, congratulations, its probably pretty normal to go around showing it off for a while now that its no longer in your womb
…I’m talking about the pet name ‘baby’ for ones boyfriend or girlfriend and the annoying daily declarations of love over social networks. I’ve been in love and when you are you do kind of want to say it all the time…but try saying it to each other instead…just a thought?…oh and if you do love your ‘baby’ so much why don’t you go makeout instead of facebooking about it…ay ay?
Here are a list of things I will never get sick of:
Links to videos of people falling down escalators (particularly escalators that are going up)
Pictures of hot girls
Mean girls quotes
Angry rants
Pictures of dogs
