“I‘m so confused”-vague status updates that suggest fascinatingly glamorous struggles

Ha! I love when people write these ambiguous status updates like “OMG SO CONFUSED” making it sound like they have some huge life decision to make and then when people ask ‘what’s up?’ they are all “No no I cant talk about it”…despite having just posted on public forum…for 583 of their closest friends to see
Imma let you in on a secret the reason that they ‘cant talk about it’ ….it ISN’T because they are deciding between moving in with Chad Micheal Murray up on One Tree Hill or trying to make it work Adam Brody back in the OC and don’t want to risk ending up on the cover of GRAZIA when the media get wind of their celebrity scandal….
….but rather that they would like to elude to such interesting troubles… even though the biggest thing going on in their life is whether or not to eat wholegrain bread before they leave the house because they don’t want to poo in a public toilet…its cool ladies we’ve all been there but lets not pretend that you’re any more interesting than you are…

Translation of other hazy posts:

Update: “Omg so in love”---translation: “I just masturbated to ‘She’s all that’ staring Freddy Prince Jr”


“So happy right now”---translation: “I probably won’t cut myself tonight”



“Best night- thanks to everyone who was there”---translation: “I finally made a bowel movement after 3 days…thankyou prune juice”



Oh by the way I get that my references are all “Sooo 2005” but that’s where I like to live and I still believe that both CMM and the Brodster are going to make a comeback of epic proportions.